Category Archives: looking back

who balances the checkbook?

Recently, my sister-in-law asked me who balances the checkbook in our house.  The question caught me off guard… not because I don’t know, but because there’s not a designated balancer. J and I both check into our finances at least every other day. [And then we tell each other about it, as if the other is completely unaware of the state of things. Not sure why. :) ]

I’ve always been vigilant about my money. When I started college, I had enough money to pay tuition for a semester, and stupidly, I spent all the money on tuition. [Ideally, I would have kept the money in an emergency fund, and avoided many tight squeezes during undergrad.] Until I graduated, I had to make do with loans (which usually only covered tuition) and whatever pitiful income I had from part-time jobs. At some point during my freshman year, I worked almost 40 hours a week to try and pay for my stay in the dorms. I didn’t have much discretionary income, and I had to monitor all my expenses carefully. I checked my bank balances daily. I remember having $0.19 in my checking account one day, and knowing that I had at least another week before I would get paid again.

Over the years, I gradually scaled back on school (dropping down to 9-12 credits a semester) so that I could work more and pay for more of my tuition and living expenses, rather than stacking more student loans on my growing mound. Ultimately, Jason and I paid for my final year of school out of pocket… on top of paying for our wedding. This was done through careful planning and budgeting, and weekly (if not daily) checks into our finances. We cut back on eating out and boozing it up, and tried to spend less than we were bringing in. Eventually, this allowed us to build up our savings for a move to Texas, and helped with our transition between states, apartments, and jobs.

Nowadays, we still (both) track everything carefully. We know exactly what we’re spending each month, and even when we have unexpected expenses (travel due to family issues, repairs for a dent in a rental car, etc.), we’re never caught off-guard. And though it takes time to keep track of everything, it’s comforting to know that we’re both invested (pun intended, ha!) in our current and future finances.

So. Who balances the checkbook in your household?

back to school…?

Every couple of months, I take a look at my student loans, the payments I have to make, and emphatically declare that I’m NEVER going back to school.

A week later, I usually find myself poking around at different graduate schools, and wondering if I could make it as a grad student.

What it usually comes down to is money…

Money is the reason I don’t want to go back to school, and the reason I can’t truly dismiss it. I don’t want to go back because my undergraduate degree cost so much, and because I have to pay a lot of money each month to various lending institutions because I didn’t make better financial and life decisions when I was last in school. If I think of all the classes I paid for and either didn’t show up for, or just coasted through, I become either depressed or angry, neither of which contributes to my general sense of happiness.

On the other hand, my daily work involves me looking at what other people are being paid, and the overall trend indicates that English was a poor choice for a major (duh), and that computer science or electrical engineering are much more lucrative. I don’t think money is everything– it’s not– but there’s no denial that how much you make does contribute to one’s sense of how much you’re worth. Hold your fire– I’m not saying that it’s the only, or even most important, measure of a person. But I personally think that I’d feel better about my life  (and past choices) if I were making more money. Most of us want to feel validated, and that can happen via financial compensation or joy derived from one’s job. Generally, if you’re not getting either, you won’t be happy in your job. This is why people who work in non-profit companies are generally less concerned with their salaries– they are getting something else from their jobs. [Again, I'm speaking from general experience and observation.]

What this brings me to is the monthly dance– should I go back to school and get a different (more lucrative, more specifically useful) degree? Or should I employ some of that creativity I say I yearn for, and find a way to put what I have to good use?

nine years

On our first anniversary, Jason was home from college for the weekend. We spent the night before watching movies and hanging out, but I was certain that I would get to see him on our “actual” anniversary. Needless to say, I was quite unhappy to find that he was back in Madison without as much as a call to let me know that he was leaving. Over the course of the next week, we sent countless emails back and forth, attempting to figure out why we both had completely different expectations of the day. I couldn’t believe he would just leave without stopping by, and he couldn’t understand why I would be upset, since we had seen each other the night before.

Looking back, it makes me smile. In some ways, we’ve done a lot of growing up and growing together. In other ways, we’re still those same people: both stubborn and unable to figure out why the other one is so insistent on being so very wrong. :)

There’s no doubt about it– we’re a great match for one another. Not because we’re perfect for each other (I don’t think there’s truly such a thing), but because we’re equally stubborn and dedicated and willing to hunker down to get to the root of what’s actually making us happy or unhappy. Jason’s background in science and my own years of analytical inspections of various texts insist that we carefully study the things that evoke reactions (good and bad) in either of us, and some day, we may even be able to predict the kinds of things that would make the other happy.

For now, I’m content to have a partner in figuring it all out. Thanks EJV. I couldn’t ask for a better husband.

[Next year, you'll have been driving me crazy for a full decade. :-D ]

the best birthday

Yesterday was the best birthday yet. I don’t think we’ll be able to top this one anytime in the near future, and maybe not ever.

That being said, it wasn’t just awesome because I got an iPad, or because we had dinner at Reunion Tower, or because my mom sent me money for that Kate Spade purse… It was awesome because it was such a stark contrast to last year.

Last year, we were still recovering from our move down here. Even though I had been working since the previous September, Jason had only worked a total of three weeks since leaving Wisconsin in the beginning of August. He started working at one place, but was offered his current job about two weeks in, and since he didn’t want to string the other place along, he quit at the first place mid-December.

That meant that when I ordered him the bar for Christmas, he was working, but quit shortly thereafter. It also meant that he didn’t buy me a Christmas present, which was a bummer, but only because he didn’t tell me that he wasn’t going to until Christmas Eve.

It also meant that he didn’t buy me a birthday present. I happen to take birthdays seriously, and was quite upset when I woke up on my birthday and he gave me a card. Do not misunderstand… I knew that we were low on money, and would have understood completely if he had taken some time to tell me that he wasn’t planning on getting me anything. BUT, prior to Christmas, (when we both had jobs) we had agreed to get each other something cool, and since I delivered on my end, I was disappointed to get nothing for both Christmas and my birthday. [Obviously, had I known what was coming this year, I would have taken my hurt feelings and stuffed them.]

We fought on my birthday- Jason felt bad about not getting me anything, and stressed about money, and I felt as though our move down here had been a big mistake. It was supposed to be a team effort, and I was holding up more than my end of the bargain, and felt like I was getting nothing in return. It didn’t help that I was headed back to a job where I had no future, and we were living in a tiny studio, and the previous couple of months of un- and under-employment had been wearing on us.

Ultimately, Jason went to Target and bought me a CD he knew I wanted, some K-cups, and a mini-bottle of maple syrup. Though these things were nice, I was still upset, mostly because I felt like our big adventure was turning out to be a bust. I had lost hope that things would turn out well for us.

Thanks babe.

Thanks babe.

Four days later, Jason started a new job, and things were finally on an upswing. We didn’t know it at the time, but we were headed for one of our most successful years to date.

EJV, I’m sorry I gave you such a hard time, and that I lost hope. I’m so glad that eventually, things worked out, and that they are so much better than we could have hoped for a year ago. Thank you for being in my life… You sticking around year after year is a much better present than anything Steve Jobs ever engineered.

2012 goals, revisited

Goals for the year…

(Everything listed was accomplished, to some degree or another…)

1. Make it to the dentist.

2. See an optometrist. (Pun intended. Har- har.)

3. Read 40 books. [15/40] Boo, I’m a bad former English major.  Continue reading

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